“What if the picture is bigger than you see? And God has you right where he wants you to be. Just listen to your heart, he’s telling you with every beat. You’re still that girl”
It’s crazy how songs can change your mood instantly. I was feeling very down today when I suddenly found the song ‘Still That Girl’ by Britt Nicole.
The song describes me perfectly! Well, I don’t have brown hair and blue eyes, I have blonde hair and some kind of blue-green colored eyes. But if you ignore that, it describes me perfectly.
Movies, books, songs – you name it – they all have a great impact on me, good and bad.
When I saw Karate Kid I wanted to start karate, when I saw Step Up I wanted to start street dance. It has always been like this, and the examples are endless. A few days ago I finished the book The Hunger Games and guess what? I want to learn archery.
This time is different from the others though, because I have actually tried archery, and I loved it! But this time I think I’m actually gonna do it. I know I’m gonna regret it later if I don’t. It’s much cheaper than I thought I would be. My mom and I was out looking for bows. I want one, I want one, I want one!
My mom came up with a great idea a few weeks ago but I never considered it until today. She said that since I only want to play in christian movies I could email Affirm Films and tell them about me. I don’t know how these things works, but I know someone else has told me to do that too. But I’m not gonna do it yet. We’ll see!
My cousin turned 8 a few days ago so he had a birthday party today. I can’t believe how big he has become.
I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. I was seven years old and for some weird reason completely convinced my aunt was gonna have a girl. My mom and I even made a bet on it, me for my aunt having a girl, mom for a boy. I was taking a bath when my mom came rushing in saying it was a boy. A baby boy. He was my first cousin, well, I knew I had cousins on my father’s side of the family but I had never met any of them. So for me, they didn’t count.
The day after he was born my dad ‘died’. He didn’t really die. At least not according to me. He like, became dead. More about that some other time.
So, for me, it was like someone left my life and someone came into my life. I realize now afterwards that was a blessing from God.
There were huge problems naming him. I remember his name was Gabriel for a few days until he ended up with the name he has today; Jonathan.
I remember I thought it was weird that they were gonna name him that, because Jonathan for me was the big brave boy in the fairy tale “the Brothers Lionheart” by the Swedish author Astrid Lindgren. For me it was like they were stealing the story’s Jonathan’s name.
Nowadays it’s weird having a normal and grown-up conversation with him since I can still see that little boy unsteady sitting up, mimic animal-sounds, and running around in the apartment having his mom terrified he will fall and get hurt.
He could as well be my little brother, people have told me many times we treat each other like brothers and sisters. Then we kinda look alike.
Since I don’t have any siblings I see him as my little brother.
He has always looked up to me, which I’m not that happy about since I’m not the best role-model you can have. His awesome sense of humor is from me though; where he’s ironic and pulling pranks on people. I have to admit I’m really proud of that.
Now he can read on his own and soon you don’t have to read the Swedish subtitle for him while watching movies.
He’s a big boy now. It’s time to realize that. And no matter what, I’ll love him to death.
Have you ever heard the song ‘Not Guilty Anymore’ by Aaron Keyes? The first time I heard the song something really heavy inside of me disappeared. And it felt like a thin layer of grey disappeared from my eyes, and I could see clearly.
I’m gonna write down parts of the song here for you.
“It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, doesn’t matter where you’re coming from. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, hear me tell you “I forgive”. You’re not guilty anymore. You’re not filthy anymore. I love you, mercy is yours. You’re not broken anymore. You’re not captive anymore. I love you, mercy is yours.”
I’ve been a christian all my life, so this isn’t news for me. I do know that God forgive us if we ask for his forgiveness, I’ve always known that. But when I heard this… I couldn’t breathe. I could understand it. The message. Even though I’ve never really experienced God’s intimacy with me, I could somehow understand that he IS close to me and that he really DOES love me.
“Can you believe that this is true? Grace abundant I am giving you, cleansing deeper than you know. All was paid for a long (time) ago.”
This was like, a confirmation of what I just realized. I remember that I was nodding intensively and blinking hard to keep me from bursting into tears. Everything was so real. Everything was true.
“You are spotless. You are holy. You are faultless. You are whole. You are righteous. You are blameless. You are pardoned. You are mine!”
I did burst into tears after that. You can’t blame me, I realized that God’s love is true that night. Everything I’ve heard, everything I’ve read. It is all true. I am so thankful for this song and I’m thanking God I’ve found it. I really needed it.
I have always wanted to start a blog, but since I’m not much of an excellent writer nor that creative, it has never happened. Until now.
So, who am I?
Have you ever asked yourself that question? I know I have. Thousands of times. Do you know what my answer was? I can’t tell you that, yet. Because I haven’t come up with an answer. I’m still trying to figure out who I am. Maybe that’s not much big of a deal since I’m only fifteen years old while writing this. I’m pretty sure a lot of teens feel the way I do.
But I do know some things, it would be weird otherwise. I wanna be an actress. I also wanna move to New York someday. But this isn’t possible right now. Not with this life I have now. But I somehow know that I’m gonna make it.
I have always felt that I want to make a change in this world. I’m for charities when it comes to helping people in need. I’m too lazy for the turn-off-the-lights-when-you-go-out-of-the-room-stuff.
So, why did I start this blog?
Well, it surely has something to with my need to do the opposite of what people tell me. All my life I’ve been doing what people has told me to do, not having the confidence to do whatever I want. It’s time to change that. This is the place where I’m gonna be me, and not caring what people think. So it can get kinda private. But whatever, that’s the point of having a blog, right?
So, this is quite huge. A new part of my life, and we’ll see what it leads to.