Tag Archives: Thoughts

Too Often It Was Pain

I was told love was pure.
Love was kisses on the cheek,
hugs from behind when you didn’t expect them.
Love was not locking the door,
just if love wanted to see you.
Love was caring,
when no one else was.
Love was all there was sometimes.
Love was forgetting your friends,
but making sure your love was smiling.
Love was dreams sometimes,
waking up to the truth;
it didn’t exist anymore.
Love was not going to bed,
because you’re sickly in love with seeing their face every night.
Love was pure pain sometimes.

Happiness and Him

What I did know,
truly and fully,
was him next to me,
his face against my own.
The music he was listening to was
way too loud,
leaking through his headphones,
and I was happy.
I guess
I wanted to believe
for once
that would be enough.

And Closer Still

They really got to you, didn’t they?

Pushing you on towards the edges

tore apart your broken mind.

Now all you hear is chaos,

a beating drum within the ground.

Step in here, darling,

come in close, and closer still.

In you there is a fire,

and I won’t let this one be still.

Come on now, stand before me,

stretch your arms towards the sky.

I’ll stay here, yes, right behind you.

Take the step, you’ll be alright.

Words In My Mind

A wind came along hurling words in my mind,
now I’m drumming the pen on the paper.
Scared of what now may leak if I get it all out,
so I get up and out and I run.

Just Lack of Light

It was dark yesterday. Maybe that’s something to be expected on a Saturday in the city. The sun wasn’t shining. It was past midnight when you went out for the round.

But listen to me, please. It was dark.
Dead.
They were dead.
There was no life.

What?

I have read somewhere that darkness is just a lack of light, so I turned around and looked for light.
Made eye-contact with the security guard outside the bar.
Dead.
He raised his eyebrows at me.
I shook my head.
I smiled.
Shy.

I kept on walking, drunken laughter behind me.
“I don’t miss it”, I thought, I turned up the volume to my headphones.
Rounded a corner, past a couple of teenagers. Made sure I didn’t made eye-contact with them, too. I don’t want to know of their liveliness, or lack thereof.

Passed by an empty police car outside the station. It was ready to go, but empty. Ready to save people. Maybe there had been a robbery. Maybe someone had been hurt. Maybe someone had been too angry. Maybe someone was dead. But I can guarantee you they wouldn’t take care of the dead eyes just round the corner.
Ready to save people.
But not quite.
I shook my head. Said Jesus a couple of times because that’s all I was getting out.

Across the street was a church.
Also dark.
So I stopped, looked at it.
My grandfather tells me it’s lovely there, the best one yet. Lovely lights, lovely preacher, lovely people who will sit by your table when you drink your coffee. Who am I to argue with a seventy year old man who has gone to church his whole life?
But why is it so dark?

Darkness is just a lack of light.

Jesus.
Jesus?
JESUS?!

I shouted it, but quietly. In my head. There are certain things you don’t shout past midnight, now a Sunday. This I’ve been told.

Where are you?

                                                     

“What are you doing?”

“I’m writing, Mom.”

“What are you writing?”

“I – I don’t know.”

And I Twirl

It was the excitement in his voice
and the brightness in his eyes
that made me want to twirl
round, round
to let out the overwhelming
happiness in my stomach.

Far Off At Sea

On a pretty little island
far off at sea.
I was left to discover,
left with nowhere to flee.
Long were the days
putting faith in the ocean.
Long were the nights
getting lost in emotions.
I knew that one day I’d be taken away,
setting sails for the waters
and do nothing but pray.
But, oh, just for now
leave me be here ashore.
There’s still time for mercy
and so much to explore.